Why do people reveal

What our downsides reveal about us

Why do some people make us white hot? And why do we often trigger violent reactions from others ourselves? The US author Debbie Ford provides surprising answers. So much in advance: It has everything to do with ourselves!

We go through life and have a certain image of ourselves. We are the Belief that we know ourselves very well. We know what defines us, what character traits and traits we have. Do you agree?

But how often do we actually ask ourselves why some situations and behaviors, personality traits and feelings of others annoy us so much that we become onedownright passionate dislike develop against it?

The truth is: a lot of things that we so doggedly reject have a lot to do with us. This is what the US author Debbie Ford writes, who has dealt extensively with the repressed parts of the human psyche in several books and seminars. She says: Above all, they are our own dark and repressed aspects that lead us to reject certain behavior of others.

The shadow leads us back to ourselves

"Shadow work" Debbie Ford called her coaching concept, which is about becoming aware of repressed personality parts, feelings, etc. and bringing these shadows into the light. Because only those who recognize, accept and integrate their shadows can dissolve them. And that enables you to live peace with yourself and others, to grow personally and to become “whole”.

The concept of the shadow is not new - it was originally discovered by the psychoanalyst Carl Gustav Jung. According to his theory, the shadow is the downside of our "persona". The persona is the part of us that faces the outside world. Debbie Ford developed the process from working with the inner shadow.

How does the shadow show up in practice? Suppose you unconsciously do not allow yourself to be open, open-minded and communicative and to approach people. Then it can very well be that particularly extroverted and energetic people generate a rejection in you. “How can you be so pushy!” Or “What's that, he / she just flirts at people on the street!” Could then be familiar reaction patterns.

What is happening? The own dark, unseen and unlived parts are further suppressed and projected onto the other person. “I just can't stand these people!” Can be such a general assumption.

Know your shadow

Debbie Ford demonstrates a simple exercise that can be used to quickly locate your shadow issues. On several pages she runs a series of words that the reader should go through and observe which feeling the individual words trigger. For example: "Greedy, liar, wrong, stingy, hateful, jealous, vengeful" etc. If one of these words "rings" - that is, if you feel a strong dislike while reading the word, it is clear that this is the shadow reports from the unconscious.

Allow uncomfortable feelings

Shadow work is about the fact that we all have a lot of traits and emotions in us, not to say: we all have everything in us. Only when we make peace with our dark sides and embrace them can we create a balance between our conscious self-image and everything we are or can be that we keep locked in our unconscious. So we grow beyond ourselves with our shadow.

Whoever brings the shadow into consciousness can reduce the destructive energy of the shadow and release new life energy. Anyone who has an aversion to chaos can allow themselves to be chaotic. If you can't stand liars, you can allow yourself to resort to white lies.

Often it is also about feelings that have been suppressed. If the word "jealousy" or "grief" makes you fearful, it could be a sign not to allow yourself to feel these feelings.

Peace within and without

Shadows also play a major role in partnerships: those who repeatedly accuse the other of being late can allow themselves to be late. Or just to be honest with yourself: How often have I been to see him / her myself?

Those who deal with their own shadows will not only feel greater inner peace, but will also have fewer fights outside and live more harmoniously with others.

Tip: If you have developed an aversion to the subject while reading this article, it could be a sign that it is time to read the book now for precisely that reason ...

Photo credit cover picture: iStock.com/francescoch